


though I have to say goodbye

by aeriamamaduck



Series: Alyosha [13]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Animal Death, Character Death, Crying, Domestic, Future Fic, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loss, M/M, Married Couple, Parenthood, Post-Canon, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 09:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13807923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeriamamaduck/pseuds/aeriamamaduck
Summary: Alyosha shakes Yuuri awake one morning.Victor isn't in bed.





	though I have to say goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> *bows head* I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am so sorry.
> 
> I've been avoiding this one on purpose, even though I'd already established Makka's death later in the series.
> 
> I'm going to go hug my cats now.

Something nudged him insistently, drawing Yuuri out of sleep no matter how hard he tried to ignore it.

 

Burying his face in his pillow, Yuuri shrugged the hand off, groaning softly, " _Stop,_ Victor..."

 

"...Tou-san?"

 

Yuuri's eyes opened wide. That was Alyosha. 

 

He pushed himself up, all reluctance forgotten, and quickly grabbed his glasses to put them on.

 

The lights were on.

 

Victor's side of the bed was empty, save for the four-year-old kneeling there, looking shaken.

 

Worry seizing his heart, Yuuri swallowed and asked, "Alyosha, what's wrong? Where's your papa?"

 

Alyosha remained quiet, his little hands anxiously clutching at the fronts of his pajama bottoms. Yuuri watched him bite his lip, heard him swallow, and noticed his eyes turn wet with...tears?

 

_Victor, where are you?_

 

Finally, Alyosha took a deep, shuddering breath, and said, "He's with Makkachin..."

 

For a second that answer seemed like the most normal thing in the world. Of course Victor was with Makkachin, he  _loved_ Makkachin, he was Victor's best friend, his family. 

 

Then Yuuri remembered the last few months of listlessness, the way their old friend's energy seemed to dwindle despite that clever twinkle in those dark eyes, promising mischief and fun once he got a bit of his old spark back.

 

He didn't eat as much. Staggered when he moved. 

 

...How much had he eaten yesterday?

 

The vet said to be ready.

 

His heart plummeting to the pit of his stomach, Yuuri shoved the blanket off of his body and leapt out of bed, forgetting to be terrified by what he'd see once he stepped out of the room.

There were frequent accidents, ones that he and Victor gently forgave as they cleaned Makkachin and got him comfortable again.

 

He still seemed happy. He loved being petted, loved his walks even though he tired much faster. And he  _loved_ playing with Alyosha.

 

And Victor had just gotten home from Mila and Yurio's competitions  _days_ ago.

 

They'd each spent time with Makkachin, talking to him, touching him...watching him refrain from eating or drinking.

 

They were supposed to be ready. How the hell was that possible? 

 

Once out of the room, Yuuri spotted Victor sitting on the kitchen floor, his back to him.

 

His shoulders were shaking almost violently. 

 

Yuuri didn't hear a sound from him.

 

He had something in his arms.

 

Yuuri quietly walked towards him, his throat tight with dread, denial, acceptance...

 

_Please, no..._

 

Victor sat cross-legged, clutching Makkachin's still,  _small_ form to his chest, eyes shut tight and a sob catching hard in his throat as tears managed to escape and trickle down his cheeks.

 

Yuuri stifled his own sob as he knelt shakily, muffling them further with a hand on his mouth as he trembled and really  _looked_ at Makkachin.

 

He never saw Vicchan after he died.

 

Makkachin's tongue lolled out of the corner of his mouth, and his eyes were more than halfway closed, one almost obscured by Victor's shirt.

 

It wasn't until Yuuri wrapped his arms around both of them that Victor let out a wrenching sob, and then another as Yuuri wept against his shoulder. 

 

They lasted like that for a few moments, Yuuri knowing nothing else other than Makkachin lying so still and  _gone_ in Victor's trembling arms and his own heart shattering despite the part of him that was still denying it all.

 

_He was so old, he lasted so so so long..._

 

A few more moments and they both quieted, Yuuri stroking Makkachin's side as he wiped at his eyes and heard Victor try to breathe. Yuuri looked up at him, seeing his seemingly blank, tearful stare as he shook. "Vitka," Yuuri called hoarsely, feeling their misery building up.

 

A tiny sniffle drew them back.

 

Yuuri turned first, and then Victor too, Yuuri realizing how brittle they must have looked.

 

Alyosha stood at the door of their bedroom, staring at them with wide, frightened eyes.

 

Still touching Victor, Yuur felt his arms tense briefly around Makkachin before he reached out with a shaking hand, and Yuuri felt it in his heart when Victor called in a gentle, broken voice, "It's alright, Alyosha. Come here."

 

Yuuri almost expected their son to shake his head and retreat, but Alyosha surprised him by nodding slowly before walking towards them.

 

Victor set Makkachin down on the floor with all the tenderness he possessed, gazing at him for a moment as tears continued to make their way down his face. Then he opened his arms for Alyosha, the boy quickly hiding his face in Victor's neck as the man squeezed him close. 

 

Yuuri swallowed another sob before giving in and carefully gathering Makkachin into his arms, and suddenly he was twenty-three again, crying into a pillow and wishing he were back home, holding Vicchan  _just like this_ , whispering "goodbye" into his ear. 

 

Well, Yuuri was holding Makkachin now, struggling to breathe, and it still felt as awful as it had back then. 

 

"Alyosha found him," he heard Victor say. Yuuri looked up at him, seeing him drag his fingers through Alyosha's hair, devastation in his eyes. "He went to the bathroom and when he came out he found him lying on the floor."

 

"God," Yuuri shuddered into Makkachin's fur.

 

Victor went on, "He woke me up. He told me Makkachin wasn't moving...he wasn't waking up..." He choked down another sob before adding shakily, "He was already so stiff..."

 

"...It must have happened in the middle of the night," Yuuri said, his voice sounding threadbare.  _Were you all by yourself?_ he wondered.  _Did you know how much we loved you?_

 

Victor didn't reply, still holding Alyosha's shaking form as he cried quietly.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri sat in a daze, wondering for the millionth time if it had all really happened. 

 

Alyosha said he understood, but Yuuri knew this called for more explaining when he and Victor were up to it. Or they might ask Nadezhda or Yakov to explain it.

 

Yuuri wasn't sure if he'd be able to sleep. Maybe he'd just sit on the edge of the bed and let the hours pass. 

 

 _I lost another friend,_ he thought.  _They're both really gone._

 

A day ago they still had a dog.

 

"Yuuri?"

 

He turned at Victor's soft call, saw him lying in bed looking at him, mirroring his sense of loss. Begging him for...something.

 

Alyosha lay in the spot between them, already asleep. 

 

Whatever Victor needed, Yuuri gave it to him, lying down on his side, Alyosha sandwiched between them as Yuuri reached over to touch Victor's arm. Maybe they were encouraging a bad habit for Alyosha, but they wanted to be together. At least for tonight.

 

Yuuri let happiness flare up in him briefly at the thought. Alyosha trusted them. He really trusted them.

 

Victor gazed at him in the semidarkness, and Yuuri could feel volumes in that gaze. Victor didn't look away as he asked in a soft, aching tone, "...Why does it feel like I'm losing my family?"

 

The question practically knocked the breath out of Yuuri. He knew how Victor was feeling, and hated to hear and see him so...lost. He thought of that long-haired boy, beaming as he hugged his dog, and felt like he'd start crying at any moment. "...I'm right here," Yuuri said just as softly, squeezing Victor's arm. "Alyosha's right here. You're not losing us."

 

Victor sighed, and Yuuri couldn't tell if that meant he believed him. He watched Victor press his lips to Alyosha's forehead before looking down at him for a long moment. 

 

"...I want to take his ashes to Hasetsu," Victor finally said quietly. "By the beach. Do you remember how he'd dart in and out of the water?"

 

Yuuri smiled a little at the memory. "Yeah. Yeah, he'd love it there."

 

Just a few months, and they'd be standing on that beach, saying goodbye.

 

Yuuri shut his eyes. No, he hadn't been ready. Not back then and not this time.

 

He found Victor's hand and squeezed. Victor squeezed back, and Yuuri heard his breaths turn shaky.

 

His did too.


End file.
